Captain Underpants 5
by Brockster550
Summary: After a hypnosis attempt having gone wrong, George, Harold & Em have to battle Wedgie Woman (who is actually their fourth grade teacher). She has super powered intelligence, so it will be a tough one. Will George, Harold & Em overthrow the wicked villainess or will her super powered intelligence be the end for our heroes? To look for answers, read the story. No copyright intended.


Captain Underpants 5: The Wrath Of The Wicked Wedgie Woman

by: Brockster550

No copyright intended, I just own this fanfic

Ch. 1

George, Harold and Emily

This is George Beard, Harold Hutchins and Emily Krupp. George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flat top. Harold is the one on the right with the t-shirt and the bad haircut. Emily is the only girl in the middle with shoulder-length blonde hair kept straight, a polka dot blouse and a red overall skirt. Remember that now.

At most schools, the teachers try to emphasize "the three **R** s" ( **R** eading, ' **R** iting and ' **R** ithmetic). But George, Harold and Emily's teacher, Ms. Ribble was more concerned with enforcing what she called "the three **S** s" ( **S** it down, **S** hut your pie holes and **S** TOP DRIVING ME CRAZY). While this was unfortunate for all of her students, it was especially bad for George, Harold and Em (the nickname that was once given to her by the two boys), because they were very imaginative kids. You see, imagination was not really encouraged at George, Harold and Em's school, in fact, it was discouraged. "Imagination" would only get you a one-way ticket to the principal's office. This was sad for George, Harold and Em because they didn't get straight **A** s, they weren't sports stars, and they could barely walk down the hall without getting into trouble...

...See what I mean? George, Harold and Em had one thing that most other folks at Jerome Horwitz Elementary School didn't have: _Imagination_. They were _full_ of it. And one day they would use that imagination to save the entire human race from being over thrown by a crazed woman with even crazier super powers. But before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you this story.

Ch. 2

Ms. Ribble's Big News

One fine day, George, Harold and Em's homeroom teacher, Ms. Ribble, entered the classroom looking a bit meaner than usual.

"Alright, settle down!" shouted Ms. Ribble. "I have some bad news: I'm retiring!"

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"Not today!" snapped Ms. Ribble. "At the end of the school year!"

"Aww, maaaan," moaned the children.

"But the staff is throwing a retirement party for me..." said Ms. Ribble.

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"...during recess," said Ms. Ribble.

"Aww, maaaan," moaned the children.

"There will be lots of free ice cream." said Ms. Ribble.

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"My favorite flavor: chunky tofu!" said Ms. Ribble.

"Aww, maaaan," moaned the children.

"But first," explained Ms. Ribble. "It's time for something fun!"

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"You will all get to make Happy Retirement cards for me!" stated Ms. Ribble.

"Aww, maaaan," moaned the children.

Ms. Ribble went around the classroom handing out envelopes, sheets of construction paper, and butterfly stencils to the children. Then she wrote a poem on the chalkboard.

"Alright, take out your crayons," said Ms. Ribble harshly. "I want you to use the stencils to make a yellow butterfly. When you're done, copy this poem on the inside."

"Can we make up our own poems?" asked Melvin Sneedly.

"No!" snapped Ms. Ribble.

"Do we have to use stencils?" asked Aaron Mancini.

"YES!" yelled Ms. Ribble.

"Can we make our butterflies purple?" asked Stephanie Yarkoff.

"NO!" screamed Ms. Ribble. "Butterflies are yellow! Everyone knows that!"

While the rest of the class worked on their cards, George, Harold and Em had a better idea.

"Let's make Ms. Ribble a comic book instead!" said George.

"Yeah, we can make it all about her!" said Harold.

"Definitely," agreed Em. "It'll be so cool!"

So that's just what they did. They got to working on their new comic book: _Captain Underpants And The Wrath Of The Wicked Wedgie Woman_.

Ch. 3

The Wrath Of Ms. Ribble

George, Harold and Em finished their comic book for Ms. Ribble. When she read it, she was furious.

"Well, congratulations you three," said Ms. Ribble sarcastically. "You've just earned yourselves a one-way ticket to the principal's office!"

"But all we did was use our imaginations!" protested George.

"You're not allowed to do that in this school," snapped Ms. Ribble. "Didn't you read chapter 1?"

George, Harold and Em gathered their stuff and started walking to the principal's office. Their principal is Mr. Krupp (who is also Emily's uncle), and he tends to have a long history with the three (he believes George and Harold are teaching Em to be mischievous, and turning her into a bad egg). He also wants Em (or Emily is what he prefers calling his niece) to be hanging out with Melvin Sneedly (incorrectly believing that he is better than George and Harold), although Em hates Melvin for being the school tattle tale. Soon, they reached the office and sat down on the chairs right outside the principal's office.

"Mr. Krupp is on the phone right now," said Miss Anthrope, the school secretary. "Why don't you three make yourselves useful by copying the Friday Memo for me. You can also pass them out to all of the classrooms for me, while I go to lunch."

"Aww, maaaan!" said George.

"Quit your whining, buster!" shouted Miss Anthrope. "This had better be done when I get back, or you three will be sorry!"

So she grabbed her coat and stomped out the door. George, Harold and Em looked over the "Friday Memo." It was a weekly newsletter that told all about the events of the upcoming week. Suddenly, George came up with an idea.

"Hey, Miss Anthrope's computer is still on," he said to Harold and Em. "Do you wanna make some changes to this newsletter?"

"Sure, why not?" said Harold.

"Yeah, let's do it!" agreed Em.

So George, Harold and Em typed up their own version of the "Jerome Horwitz Elementary School Friday Memo." Fortunately for them, it didn't take more than a few minutes. Then they printed their Friday Memo out, and they went to run off copies of it. Meanwhile, Mr. Krupp had finished his phonecall and when he walked into the main office, he saw George, Harold and Em gathering a stack of papers.

"HEY!" he shouted, at George and Harold. "What are you troublemakers doing in here?"

"Well, Miss Anthrope asked us to pass out the Friday Memo." stated George innocently.

"Well, make it snappy!" yelled Mr. Krupp (who was unaware that the three created their version of the Friday Memo).

Ch. 4

Reverse Psychology

Suddenly, Harold had gotten a sneaky idea. He pulled out the blank piece of construction paper that Ms. Ribble gave him earlier and handed it to Mr. Krupp.

"Hey, Mr. Krupp," said Harold, "would you sign this retirement card for our teacher?"

Mr. Krupp grabbed the card and eyed it suspiciously. "This card is _blank!_ " he growled.

"I know," said Harold. "Our class is going to decorate it later. We just wanted you to be the first to sign it."

"Well, alright then." said Mr. Krupp.

He opened the card and quickly scribbled: _Signed, Mr. Krupp,_ on the inside, and then stormed out of the office. Harold's idea was so sneaky that even George and Em were clueless as to what Harold was planning.

"What are you going to do with that?" asked George.

"You'll see!" said Harold, smiling.

So he, George and Em continued down the hallway to the first classroom to hand out the "Friday Memo" newsletters. George, Harold and Em managed to get the "Friday Memo" passed out to the classrooms. They made it back to their classroom just in time for Ms. Ribble's retirement party. George and Em quickly changed the letters around on the sign outside the classroom door, while Harold wrote a special greeting on Mr. Krupp's card and stuffed it into the envelope.

"HEY, BUBS!" shouted Mr. Krupp as he stormed down the hallway. "What do you think you are doing?"

"We're going to Ms. Ribble's retirement party, uncle!" stated Em.

"Sorry, Emily," said Mr. Krupp, who turned to face not only his niece, but George and Harold as well. "Ms. Ribble already showed me the comic book that you three made about her. And now, I caught you changing the letters around on another sign. You kids aren't going to any party... you're going STRAIGHT to the detention room!"

"Well fine," said Harold. "Then we're not gonna give Ms. Ribble the card our class made for her."

Mr. Krupp quickly swiped the card out of Harold's hand. "A-HA!" he shouted. "I'm going to make sure she gets this card. I'm going to give it to her MYSELF!"

"Aww, maaaan!" said Harold. So he, George and Em walked down the hallway toward the detention room.

"Wow," said Em. "That was pretty cool how you got my uncle to deliver that phony card for you."

"Yep," said Harold triumphantly. "I used _reverse psychology_ on him!"

"Ah, okay." said Em.

"I gotta try that sometime," said George. "By the way, what did you write on the card?"

"You'll see!" said Harold, smiling.

Ch. 5

The Retirement Party

Ms. Ribble's retirement party started off bad, and just got worse. First, she forced the class to sing a corny song for her. She even yelled at the boys for singing off key, which took so long that the chunky tofu ice cream melted. Everybody had to eat it anyway. Then, the children handed in their "Happy Retirement" cards. Ms. Ribble ripped up several of them because some of the children had mistakenly drawn polka dots on their butterflies (which they were unaware that they apparently weren't supposed to). One unfortunate boy had also drawn a happy "smiling" sunshine on his card, and he had to stand in the corner. Finally, Mr. Krupp stepped forward and handed Ms. Ribble the card he snatched from Harold's hand.

"I went to alot of trouble getting this for you." said Mr. Krupp gallantly.

Ms. Ribble tore the envelope, pulled the card out, and read the front of it out loud.

"You're One Hot Mama?" said Ms. Ribble with a shocked look on her face.

"Eeeeeeeewwww!" cried the children.

Ms. Ribble then opened the inside and read: "Will you marry me? Signed, Mr. Krupp," much to the principal's shock.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!" cried the children.

The teachers gasped, then the room grew silent. Ms. Ribble then glared over to Mr. Krupp, who had already turned bright red, and was sweating profusely. He tried explaining that this was all a big mistake, but all that came out was "B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!"

"Er, ummmm, congratulations!" said Mr. Meaner as he patted Mr. Krupp's sweaty, shivering shoulder.

"Yes! CONGRATULATIONS!" shouted Miss Anthrope. "This will be the best wedding in the whole world! We can have it here, at the school...a week from Saturday! I'll plan everything! You lovebirds don't have to worry about anything!"

"Er-uh,... great... thanks," said Ms. Ribble, who was more confused than angry. Miss Anthrope then gave Ms. Ribble a hug, while Mr. Krupp couldn't say anything, being too shocked to do so.

"B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!" said Mr. Krupp.

Ch. 6

Freaky Weeky

The following week at Jerome Horwitz Elementary School was definitely one of the weirdest ones they'd had in a while. For example: None of the kids showed up for school on Monday. But Mr. Krupp didn't even seem to notice.

"Hey, where is everybody today?" asked a surprised Mr. Rected.

"B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!" said Mr. Krupp.

On Tuesday everybody did show up, in their pajamas and picking their noses, rather than dress in the school colors: gray and dark gray.

"Why is everybody picking their noses?" asked Miss Fitt.

"B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!" said Mr. Krupp.

On Wednesday for some strange reason, the whole school smelled like garlic and rotten egg salad sandwiches (especially some of the girls, who also drew mustaches on their faces with permanent markers, thinking that this was required to make the cheerleading team).

"Boy!" said Ms. Guided. "The styles today sure are getting bizarre."

"B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!" said Mr. Krupp.

Thursday was, without a doubt, a complete and total disaster. A food fight broke out in the cafeteria, not to mention that the football team was also practicing in the teacher's lounge, rather than on the football field.

"There's a food fight in the lunchroom!" shouted Mr. Rustworthy. "And the football team is destroying the teachers lounge!"

"B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!" said Mr. Krupp.

Now, nobody was sure what happened on Friday. Apparently, there was a mix-up with the dress code and the yearbook photos. Rather than dress appropriately and look handsome, the students wore bumblebee costumes and made the funniest faces they could (in false hopes that their class would win a free pizza party).

"Our school pictures are ruined!" shouted Ms. Dayken.

"B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!" said Mr. Krupp.

Yes, it was a freaky week, alright. But the big wedding was only a day away...and things were about to get REALLY freaky.

Ch. 7

The Big Wedding

It was Saturday, the day of the big wedding. Miss Anthrope, true to her word, had taken care of everything. In just one week, she had transformed the gymnasium into a beautiful wedding hall, complete with food, decorations, and even a six-foot-tall ice sculpture. All of the children were dressed in their finest clothes (with Harold even wearing a tie!).

"Man, I can't believe we have to go to school on _Saturday."_ said George.

"Crazy, isn't it!" said Harold. "The wedding should've been on Monday's math test."

"No kidding," said Em. "It just seems so odd to come to school on Saturday!"

Soon, the organist began to play. The rabbi was walking down the aisle. He approached George, Harold and Em and stopped to talk to the three.

"I've heard alot about you three," said the rabbi seriously. "And I don't want you kids playing any of your tricks today."

"Silly Rabbi," said George, "tricks are for kids!"

The comment made Harold and Em giggle, with George joining in on it as the rabbi walked toward the archway. Believe it or not, George, Harold and Em did not plan any pranks today for the big wedding. They didn't have joy buzzers up their sleeves, no squirting flowers in their lapels, and no whoopee cushions on their chairs. They were on their best behavior today. What could possibly go wrong? In no time at all, Mr. Krupp and Ms. Ribble were standing in front of the rabbi, looking kind of ill. The rabbi asked Mr. Krupp if he would take Ms. Ribble to be his lawfully wedded wife.

"B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba hobba wah-wah!" said Mr. Krupp.

The rabbi then asked Ms. Ribble if she would take Mr. Krupp to be her husband. There was a long silence. Everybody was leaning forward as Ms. Ribble looked from side to side.

Suddenly, she screamed out at the top of her lungs, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ms. Ribble then turned to Mr. Krupp and jabbed her finger into his shoulder.

"Listen, Krupp," she said. "I can't marry you!"

"Hooray!...er, I mean...aww, that's too bad!" he said.

"You're a mean, cruel, and vicious man," said Ms. Ribble, "and I respect that. It's just...it's just..."

"Just what?" asked Mr. Krupp.

"It's just your nose, you've got the most ridiculous nose," said Ms. Ribble, who has the same nose as Mr. Krupp. "I've never seen anything quite like it. I just couldn't marry somebody who has such a silly nose!"

Mr. Krupp got really angry. "Well, FINE!" shouted Mr. Krupp. "I didn't want to marry you anyway. It was all George, Harold and Emily's fault. THEY TRICKED US!"

Suddenly, everybody in the gymnasium turned and looked at George, Harold and Em (who were shaking nervously and sweating profusely).

"Time to go!" said George.

George, Harold and Em got up to leave. As they were doing so, they heard the loud thumps of cleated wedding boots behind them.

"I'M GONNA GRIND THOSE KIDS INTO HEAD CHEESE!" screamed a full-of-rage Ms. Ribble as she lunged toward the three.

Mr. Krupp realized too late that he had just sold his niece out. George, Harold and Em screamed as they ran to the back where the refreshments were. They hid behind two large wooden pillars. Ms. Ribble grasped one and, with all her might, pushed it over. Unfortunately, it landed on the luncheon table, causing it to flip upward and send all the food flying into the crowd. The creamy candied carrots clobbered the kindergartners. The fatty fried fish fritters flipped onto the first graders. The sweet-n-sour spaghetti squash splattered the second graders. Three thousand thawing thimble berries thudded the third graders. Five hundred frosted fudgy fruitcakes flogged the fourth graders. And fifty-five fistfuls of fancy French-fried frankfurters flattened the fifth graders.

By now, you're probably worried that the guests won't have anything to drink with their lovely appetizers. Well, rest assured, the second pillar took care of that. Ms. Ribble pushed the second pillar over onto the second table that caused two large watermelons to crash down into two oversized punch bowls, creating two enormous splashes of tropical fruit flavored punch to raindown on the guests like a torrential downpour. Now, no wedding is complete without a wedding cake. As soon as Ms. Ribble kicked the ice sculpture over, the resulting crash sent the beautiful double decker cake flipping high into the air, right above Ms. Ribble's head.

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW!" screamed Ms. Ribble as she grabbed George and Harold by their neckties, much to Em's horror.

Just then, the wedding cake landed on Ms. Ribble's head with a _Splat!_ George and Harold undid their ties and (along with Em) ran out of the gymnasium screaming.

"Man, that was a close one!" said Em in a frightened voice.

"I thought we were dead meat!" cried Harold.

"That's what we get for going to school on Saturday!" said George.

As they continue running back to the treehouse, Mr. Krupp (who was watching them from his office window) was shocked. He felt ashamed of himself for selling his own niece out. He just wondered why he did it, making him feel even more guilty.

Ch. 8

Ms. Ribble's Revenge

George, Harold and Em were nervous about going back to class Monday morning. But, for some strange reason, Ms. Ribble seemed very happy to see them.

"Good morning, you three," she chirped with a giant, toothy, evil grin. "Why don't you come here, I have something I want to show you!"

"Oh, no," said George, "she's smiling, that can't be a good sign!"

"Yeah, no doubt about that." said Harold.

"She had to have done something, seeing that her grin is evil looking." said Em. The three cautiously approached Ms. Ribble's desk.

"I took the liberty of adjusting your grades last weekend," said Ms. Ribble, who is still showing the evil grin. "You'll be happy to know that all of your grades have just dropped from **B** s and **C** s to **F** s and **G** s!"

"Oh, no!" gasped Em. "Not **F** s and **G** s!"

"Hey, whats a "G?" asked George.

"It's the only grade lower than an "F!" said Ms. Ribble.

"There's no such grade as a "G!" said Harold.

"There is now, bub!" said Ms. Ribble. "Looks like the three of you will be FLUNKING the FOURTH GRADE! Won't that be fun?"

"No way," said Harold. "You can't just change our grades like that!"

"Yeah, that's not fair!" stated Em.

"Life isn't always fair," said Ms. Ribble, defending her actions (also refusing to acknowledge that she had just taken advantage of it). "Get used to it!"

That afternoon, George, Harold and Em sat inside their treehouse, feeling sorry for themselves.

"She can't get away with that!" said George. "She just can't!"

"Yeah," agreed Em. "This wrongdoing needs to be justified!"

"We've got to tell someone about this." stated Harold.

"I don't think anybody will believe us!" said Em.

"Well, there is one thing we can do." said George.

He opened up the drawer to their drawing table and searched through the pennies, paper clips, dried spitballs and rubber bands. Then he pulled out a dusty plastic ring with some gum stuck to it. It was the 3-D Hypno Ring.

Ch. 9

The Return Of The 3-D Hypno Ring

"Oh, no!" said a surprised Harold. "I thought we threw that thing away!"

"We just threw the instructions away," said George, "But I remember how it works."

"But we were fooling around with it the last time." said Em.

"Yeah, but this time, we'll be serious," stated George. "All we have to do is hypnotize Ms. Ribble into changing our grades back to normal."

"I don't know George," said Harold. "It sounds like a bad idea to me!"

"Worse than FLUNKING the fourth grade?" asked George.

"That's a good point," said Harold. "We just need our grades to return to normal."

The next day at school, George, Harold and Em stayed behind while the rest of the class went outside for recess, George put the ring on his hand before walking up to Ms. Ribble's desk.

"What are you punks still doing here?" asked Ms. Ribble.

"Well, um..." said George nervously. "We just wanted to show you this ring."

"Yeah," said Em. "There's some weird, but cool patterns on it, which will show a funny picture if you look real closely."

"Well, hold it still." said Ms. Ribble, as she stared at the ring intently.

"I have to move it back and forth," explained George. "Or else, you won't see the picture."

Ms. Ribble's eyes followed the ring back and forth... back and forth... back and forth... back and forth...

"You're getting sleepy." said George.

"Veeery sleepy." said Harold.

"I'mmmmssoooooosleeeeeepyyyyyy!" mumbled Ms. Ribble as her eyes began to droop. She then yawned as she slowly closed her eyes.

"In a moment," said George. "I will snap my fingers, and you will be hypnotized."

"Sssssssoooooooooooooooosssssssssleeeeeeeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyyyy!" mumbled Ms. Ribble.

George then snapped his fingers, _SNAP!_

"Now," said Em. "You must listen very..."

Ch. 10

We Interrupt This Chapter To Bring You This Important Message:

"Hello, this is Chim-Chim Diaperbrains...er, I mean, this is Ingrid Ashley reporting for Eyewitness News," said Ingrid. "We have a late-breaking story that is now occuring in the Pacific Northwest. Police have just closed down the Li'l Wiseguy Novelty Company in Walla-Walla, Washington. Apparently, this company has been selling very dangerous 'Hypno Rings.' We now take you there live, via satellite to our reporter, Booger Stinkersquirt, er, I mean, Larry Zarrow, with the latest developments."

"Thanks, Chim-Chim," said Larry. "Reports have poured in from across the country concerning children who have used the '3-D Hypno Ring' on their friends and family with disastrous results. But the most shocking revelation is the effect that the rings seem to have on _women._ Apparently, whenever the ring is used to hypnotize a woman, a mental blunder occurs, causing the woman to do the OPPOSITE of what she is being hypnotized to do. Doctors don't know why the ring causes the woman to have an opposite reaction, but they are very concerned. If you or someone you love has purchased a '3-D Hypno Ring,' throw it away at once. And whatever you do, PLEASE DON'T USE IT ON A WOMAN!"

Ch. 11

Now We Return To Our Regularly Scheduled Chapter

(Already In Progress...)

"...and when we snap our fingers," Em continued. "You will change our grades back to normal."

"Yeah," said George. "And you won't do anything crazy, like turn into Wedgie Woman."

"And you won't try to destroy Captain Underpants," said Harold. "Or take over the world, either."

"Right, you'll just change our grades, and that's it!" said Em.

George, Harold and Em nervously looked at one another.

"Well, I think that covers everything." said George.

"Yep." said Em. "Everything appears to be back to normal!"

"We shouldn't have any more problems from Ms. Ribble." said Harold.

So the three kids snapped their fingers, _SNAP!_ So George, Harold and Em walked outside to the playground (since there was still fifteen minutes left of recess).

Later that night, George, Harold and Em decided to camp out in George's treehouse.

"I have to drive your mother to work early tomorrow morning," said George's dad, who then turned to face Harold and Em also. "So the three of you will be responsible for getting yourselves to school on time."

"Okay, Pop." said George.

"Yes sir!" said Em.

"We'll be there bright and early, Mr. Beard." said Harold.

It had been a tough day for George, Harold and Em, and now it was time to relax. George got out the sleeping bags and pillows, while Harold went to their junk food cupboard and unpacked a box of chocolate donuts and two big bags of barbeque potato chips and poured them into a big bowl, while Em went to their small refrigerator and brought out 6 cans of grape soda (they each get 2 cans). Believe it or not, there was even a cool Japanese monster movie playing on their TV.

"Life sure doesn't get better than this." stated George.

"Yeah," agreed Em. "Although, I'm not sure if the 3-D Hypno Ring worked on Ms. Ribble or not. She looked a little weird when she came out of her trance."

"Maybe she was just really sleepy," guessed Harold. "Teachers tend to have very stressful jobs."

"I do wonder why." said Em.

After the movie, George went to turn off the tv, then the three kids brushed all the crumbs out of their sleeping bags, and got ready for bed.

"Let's sleep in our school clothes tonight," suggested George. "That way, we won't have to wake up early to get dressed."

"Good idea." said Harold.

"Yeah, that way we can get a little more sleep." agreed Em.

George then turned off the light, and soon, the three drifted off to sleep. After about an hour or so, a sudden noise woke Em up, she looked around, but didn't see anything. Thinking she was just imagining it, she went back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later, she heard the noise again. So she turned to George and Harold (both who were still sleeping).

"George, Harold." Em whispered, while shaking the two awake.

"Is something wrong, Em?" asked George, sleepily.

"Yeah, I think I hear something outside." stated Em.

"I didn't hear anything." said Harold.

"Me, neither." said George.

So they listened closely. "There it is again!" whispered Em.

George and Harold heard it this time. As quietly as possible, they tiptoed to the door and opened it a little, but all they heard at that moment was crickets chirping in the night. George opened the door wider, and the three kids peeked down the ladder.

Ch. 12

Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Beehive

"AAAUUGGGHHH!" roared an evil-looking woman dressed in tight purple vinyl and a mangy-looking fake-fur boa.

George, Harold and Em screamed in horror! The snarling woman started climbing up the ladder, and made her way into the treehouse. Just then, George, Harold and Em recognized the woman immediately in the moonlight.

"Ms. Ribble," gasped George. "What a lovely, uh, outfit you're wearing."

"Who's Ms. Ribble?" growled the angry woman. "My name is Wedgie Woman!"

George, Harold and Em gulped and looked at one another. They realized that the 3-D Hypno Ring must've caused their teacher to do the opposite of what she was hypnotized to do.

"I understand you kids have some information about Captain Underpants!" declared Wedgie Woman.

"What makes you say that?!" asked Em.

"I read your comic books," stated Wedgie Woman. "You three know his strengths, his weaknesses, and maybe even his SECRET IDENTITY!"

"No way," said Harold. "Captain Underpants isn't even real... he-he's just a cartoon!"

"We'll see about that!" insisted Wedgie Woman.

So she grabbed George and Harold by their arms, while Em grabbed onto Wedgie Woman's feet. This allowed the boys to squirm away from Wedgie Woman's grasp. She then lunged after Em, with Harold coming to her rescue, while George crouched down into a ball behind Wedgie Woman's feet. Harold and Em pushed the ferocious female backward, causing her to topple over, right into the wall behind her. KLUNK! The force of Wedgie Woman falling into the wall shook the bookshelf above her, knocking her out. Then, a strange juice carton (which had been on the shelf) tipped over and poured a stream of glowing green juice directly onto Wedgie Woman's beehive hairdo.

"NOOOO!" yelled Harold as he grabbed the juice carton and set it back upright. "This is the juice that we got from that spaceship back in our third book!"

"The one with the annoyingly long title?" asked Em.

"Yeah!" said Harold. "This is Extra-Strength Super Power Juice. Quite a bit of it got onto her hair!"

"Well, don't worry," said George. "None of it got in her mouth. What's the worst that can happen? Her hairstyle might have superpowers?"

"Well, I guess that is pretty stupid!" said Em.

"It's pretty funny, though." said Harold.

Suddenly, three coiled arms of twisting hair shot out and grabbed George, Harold and Em by the back of their underwear, yanking them high into the air.

"This isn't as funny as I thought it would be!" said Harold.

Ch. 13

Robo-George, The Harold 2000 and The Emily 4000

Wedgie Woman brought George, Harold and Em back to her house, where they were tied up tightly to three chairs.

"Tell me the secret identity of Captain Underpants!" ordered Wedgie Woman.

"No way!" said George.

"Hmmmmm," said Wedgie Woman. "You want to do this the hard way? _No problem!"_

Wedgie Woman's hair began uncoiling itself. Several twisted locks of hair started taking apart a television, a computer and a Thighmaster. Several more reached into the kitchen and began dismantling the dishwasher, toaster oven and a food dehydrator.

"What are you doing?" asked Em.

"If you want to make robots," explained Wedgie Woman. "You have to break a few small appliances!"

George, Harold and Em watched impatiently as Wedgie Woman's hair assembled the number of screws, bolts, wires, gears, cathode tubes and computer chips. Soon, the three robots began taking shape.

"Wow," said Harold. "I didn't know Ms. Ribble was smart enough to make robots!"

"Me, neither." said George.

"Perhaps some of that Extra-Strength Super Power Juice must've soaked into her brain!" guessed Em.

The next morning, Wedgie Woman finished the three robots, which she named "Robo-George," "The Harold 2000," and "The Emily 4000."

"Those robots look a little familiar!" said Harold.

"Yeah, they do look like us." said George.

"Except that they are not as dashingly handsome." said Em.

Wedgie Woman opened up the chest plates of the robots, inserted a can of spray starch into each one, sealed them, patted each on the head, and sent them off to school.

"Wait a minute," said Harold, "How are those robots going to stop Captain Underpants?"

"All they have to do is wait and listen," explained Wedgie Woman. "As soon as they hear the words 'Tra-la-laaaaa', it'll all be over!"

Robo-George, The Harold 2000 and The Emily 4000 walked to Jerome Horwitz Elementary School to pose as George, Harold and Em. The robots made it to Ms. Ribble's classroom where Mr. Krupp is just starting to make an announcement.

"Attention, boys and girls," said Mr. Krupp. "Your teacher, Ms. Ribble didn't come to school today."

"Hooray!" shouted the children.

"Settle down," shouted Mr. Krupp. "You're still going to have all your classes today."

"Aww, maaaan," moaned the children.

"But you will have a substitute teacher," explained Mr. Krupp.

"Hooray!" shouted the children.

"And it's going to be me!" said Mr. Krupp.

"Aww, maaaan!" moaned the children.

The whole day was like any normal day, except for one thing, Mr. Krupp couldn't understand why George, Harold and Em were so well behaved. They didn't make any funny noises in science class, they didn't stick crayons up their noses during art class, they didn't make comic books during math class. In fact, they even walked past the lunch sign without changing the letters around, but Mr. Krupp was stunned.

"I know what you three are thinking," said Mr. Krupp. "You stop this good behavior, and you'll be in big trouble!"

But Robo-George, The Harold 2000 and The Emily 4000 kept right on behaving. The only time they did something even _remotely_ wrong was during afternoon recess, where everybody was playing kickball. It was The Harold 2000's turn to kick the ball, and he kicked it pretty darn hard. _KA-BOINGGGG!_ The kickball was kicked with such force that it tore right through the top of the page. It started sailing toward the outer regions of Earth's atmosphere, and eventually it broke free of our planet's gravitational pull and began heading straight toward planet Uranus.

"A-HA!" shouted Mr. Krupp, as he pulled out the official school rulebook and read rule #411 out loud: _"It is against the rules to kick school property into outer space!_ You're in trouble now bub!"

But The Harold 2000 ignored Mr. Krupp and started running around the bases.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, Hutchins!" shouted Mr. Krupp. He pointed his fingers at The Harold 2000 and snapped them. _SNAP!_

Suddenly, Mr. Krupp began to change. A silly-looking smile stretched across his face, and stood before the fourth graders looking quite heroic. Then, he quickly turned and ran back into the school.

Ch. 14

Tra-La-Luuunatics

Several minutes later, Captain Underpants flew out of Mr. Krupp's office window. As he zipped across the sky, he let out a triumphant "Tra-la-laaaaa!"

When Robo-George, The Harold 2000 and The Emily 4000 heard the words "Tra-la-laaaaa!", they immediately stopped playing kickball. Their arms and legs started extending and stretched out toward the sky. Strange secret compartments in their ever-growing torsos opened up, revealing giant rocket boosters and the latest in advanced aviation technology. Steel panels on their faces and bodies expanded wildly as their complex structures swelled to highly improbable proportions. Suddenly, flames shot out of their retro thrusters as their bodies rose into the air. In no time at all, the three gigantic robots were flying in hot pursuit of the Amazing Captain Underpants.

"George, Harold and Emily are in BIG trouble now," said Melvin Sneedly, as he read rule #7734 from Mr. Krupp's official school rulebook out loud: _"It is against the rules for students to transform into giant flying robots during afternoon recess!"_

The _real_ George, Harold and Emily, however, had more on their mind than a few broken rules, at the moment. They were watching the action unfold on a big television screen that Wedgie Woman's hair built by combining the spare parts of a fish tank and an electric toothbrush. The colossal robots were surrounding Captain Underpants, but surprisingly, the Waistband Warrior was happy to see them.

"George! Harold! Em!" said Captain Underpants. "My, how you kids have grown! And I didn't know you could fly. That's great! Now you can help me fight for Truth, Justice and all that is Pre-Shrunk and Cottony!"

But the gigantic robots didn't respond. Instead, they just hovered close to Captain Underpants as their steel chest plates began opening up. Suddenly, three extendable robotic arms reached out and started showering Captain Underpants with liquid spray starch.

"What-what are you doing?" cried Captain Underpants. "That's _SPRAY STARCH!_ It's the only thing that can take away my super powers!" The Waistband Warrior screamed in horror as he began falling. Robo-George quickly swooped down, grabbed the helpless hero, and hung him by his waistband on a tall pole high above the city streets.

Ch. 15

You Axed For It

"Hooray!" cried Wedgie Woman as she turned off her new TV. "My plan worked, now it's time to take over the world!"

"But what about us?" asked Harold.

"Don't worry," said Wedgie Woman. "I have a surprise for you three."

She took out a heavy battle-axe and leaned it toward George, Harold and Em. Then she tied the axe to a rope, lit a candle and set it under the rope.

"When the flame burns through the rope," said Wedgie Woman. "All your problems will be over. Get the point?"

"Not really." said George.

"Don't worry, you will soon enough." laughed Wedgie Woman.

Wedgie Woman laughed a horrible laugh as she left the house to take over the world. George, Harold and Em watched as the candlelit flame started burning the rope. They cringed as the blade came closer and closer.

"Well, it looks like this is the end." said Em.

"Maybe not," said Harold. "Maybe the blade will fall, slice through the ropes and not harm us at all."

"I don't know," said George uncertainly. "That kind of thing only happens in lame adventure stories."

Suddenly, the rope was burnt through, with the axe blade falling, in doing so, it sliced through the ropes, not harming George, Harold nor Em at all. The three kids looked at one another and decided it was best not to comment on the situation.

Ch. 16

The Woothless Wevenge Of The Wicked Wedgie Woman

Wedgie Woman headed to the center of town to meet up with Robo-George, The Harold 2000 and The Emily 4000.

"Well done, my precious robots." said Wedgie Woman affectionately, patting them on the head with her hair.

"What's all this then?" said a police officer who had just arrived on the scene.

"Er-nothing, officer," said Wedgie Woman. "Just the beginning of my total world DOMINATION."

"Oh, okay," said the cop. "But, wait a minute."

Before the officer could voice his objections, a twisted dreadlock from Wedgie Woman's hair shot out and grabbed the cop by the back of his underwear. The colossal Harold 2000 lifted the officer and hung him from a stop sign.

"Owie, WOWIE!" cried the cop.

Soon more officers headed to the scene, only to meet with the same terrible fate as the first cop. Before long, every cop in the city was hanging from a street sign.

"Call the National Guard!" screamed the police chief. "Call the Army, call the Marines, call a HAIRSTYLIST!"

Soon, the armed forces arrived with a fleet of helicopters and tanks. But everybody was afraid to shoot, Wedgie Woman was just too quick, with her giant robots stomping about the city, as Wedgie Woman barked orders.

"Everybody on Earth must obey me!" commanded Wedgie Woman. "Wedgies will be given to anybody who refuses to follow orders and/or tries to stop me and get in my way. Welcome to WEDGIEVILLE!"

Soon George, Harold and Em arrived at the scene and hid in the bushes, watching the terror unfold.

"We need to rescue Captain Underpants, he's the only one who can save the world!" whispered George.

"But how?" asked Harold. "He doesn't have any superpowers left!"

"Sure he does," assured Em. "He just thinks it does. We've got to change his mind."

"I sure hope we can!" said George as the three went to find Captain Underpants.

Ch. 17

They Can't

George, Harold and Em ran to the pole where Captain Underpants was hanging from. He was all heartbroken (since he incorrectly believes that the starch took his powers away).

"Hey Captain Underpants," cried Em. "you need to come down from there and save the world!"

"C-c-can't!" whined the Waistband Warrior. "N-n-need fabric softener."

"No you _don't_ need fabric softener," said George sternly. "That was just a dumb joke in one of our comics."

"But you don't understand," said Captain Underpants. "Starch is the enemy of underwear. Only fabric softener can save me."

"RATS!" said Harold in frustration. "Hey guys, are there any stores around here?"

"Yeah, a new one just opened up on Oak Street." said Em.

"Then let's go buy some fabric softener," said Harold. "It'll be easier than trying to reason with the guy."

"How's that gonna help?" asked George.

"It's all in his mind," explained Harold. "If he believes that fabric softener will save him, then it probably will. I think it's called the 'Placenta Effect.'"

So George, Harold and Em ran down to Oak Street.

"What's the name of the store?" asked George.

"I don't remember," said Em. "I think its called 'Everything Except...um,' "

George, Harold and Em reached the store on Oak Street, which is called 'Everything Except Fabric Softener,' and the three slapped themselves when they realized.

"Aww, maaaan!" said George.

"We're doomed!" cried Em.

"Listen, we've got to make another comic book!" said Harold.

"Now?" asked George.

"I guess there's no other choice," said Em with realization. "The fate of the entire planet is in our hands!"

So the three kids went in and bought some paper, a few pencils and a box of crayons and got to work. Twenty-five minutes later, George, Harold and Em created an all-new Captain Underpants adventure called: _The Origin Of Captain Underpants_. Then they ran back to the pole where Captain Underpants was hanging from, where George tossed their new comic book to Captain Underpants, who then caught it.

"There's no time to read comic books!" insisted Captain Underpants.

"Just read it bub!" said Harold. "There's some useful information in it!"

"Yeah," stated Em. "You might learn something!"

Ch. 18

The Placenta Effect

Captain Underpants read the book, and he found some very useful information. The book mentioned that Captain Underpants has an amulet inside of him (which he, as a baby, swallowed by accident after his dad dropped it into his mouth). The amulet has the power to protect Captain Underpants from the powers of spray starch. He can overcome the powers by saying: _"I summon the power of Underpantyworld!"_ Captain Underpants was surprised at that.

"Wow," said Captain Underpants. "I didn't realize that I had the power to overcome the powers of starch all along!"

"JUST SAY THE WORDS!" shouted George, Harold and Em all at once.

"Okay," said Captain Underpants. "But I think it's a great metaphor for..."

"JUST SAY THE WORDS!" screamed George, Harold and Em.

"Alright," said Captain Underpants. "All I'm just saying is that..."

"JUST SAY THE WORDS!" yelled George, Harold and Em.

"You know, you kids have NO feel for dramatic tension!" said Captain Underpants. He then cleared his throat and spoke in a powerful voice: "I SUMMON THE POWER OF UNDERPANTYWORLD!"

Suddenly, he rose triumphantly into the air. He was free at last! When the gigantic robots saw that Captain Underpants escaped, The Harold 2000 launched it's rocket arms at our hero. Captain Underpants grabbed the giant robo-arms and swung them toward his foes.

"These might come in handy." said Captain Underpants.

Ch. 19

Reverse Psychology 2

Captain Underpants managed to defeat the giant robots, but the battle wasn't over yet. As Wedgie Woman started lamenting over the defeat of her robots, Em ran back to the treehouse to get the 3-D Hypno Ring, Harold stayed to keep an eye on Wedgie Woman with Captain Underpants, while George ran back to Everything Except Fabric Softener to purchase some more supplies. George made it back with a box full of nine cans of spray products, while Em was still running back to the treehouse.

"Hey, what are you doing with that?" asked Harold.

"I'm taking this _EXTRA-STRENGTH SPRAY STARCH_ someplace where Wedgie Woman won't be able to find it!" George shouted rather loudly.

"Extra-Strength Spray Starch?" cried Wedgie Woman with joy. "That's exactly what I need!"

So her hair twists lashed out at George, stopping him dead in his tracks, each grabbed a can and started spraying Captain Underpants with them, much to Harold's shock. The spray was so big that a cloudy mist was created, where everybody was engulfed in it. Em, meanwhile, came back with the 3-D Hypno Ring, and stopped when she saw the cloudy mist. The cloud finally lifted, with all of Wedgie Woman's hair gone, even all of George's hair and all of Harold's hair was gone. Em just started laughing herself silly at seeing George and Harold with a bald head.

"See?" said George. "There wasn't any spray starch in this box. It was a cleverly disguised carton of hair remover. I used reverse psychology on her!"

"Aaugh!" screamed Harold as he clutched his bald head. "My mom's gonna lay hard boiled eggs when she see's me. My sister will be laughing herself silly!"

"Relax, our hair will grow back!" assured George.

"That's easy for you to say," said Harold. "Your hair was only half an inch long!"

Ch. 20

Reverse Reverse Psychology

Wedgie Woman was all distraught that her hair was gone.

"Well, Wedgie Woman." said Captain Underpants. "It's off to jail with you!"

"Hold on," said Em, who had finished laughing. "We'll take care of Wedgie Woman. You go back to the school, put some clothes on and wash your face!" "

"Yeah, bub!" said George. "Use plenty of water!"

"Okay." said Captain Underpants.

He did as he was told. And in no time, he was back to his old Kruppy self. Now it was time for Wedgie Woman to go back to her old self, with some slight modifications.

"Okay," said Harold. "Remember when we hypnotized Ms. Ribble, she did the opposite of what she was hypnotized to do?"

"Yeah," said George.

"Well," Harold continued. "If we want to set things right, we need to hypnotize her into doing the opposite of the opposite of what we want her to do."

"I'm way ahead of you!" said George.

"You've got it!" said Em.

She handed the 3-D Hypno Ring to Harold, who started the hypnosis process on their teacher. This time, using reverse _reverse_ psychology.

"From now on," said George. "You WILL ALWAYS be known as Wedgie Woman!"

"You WILL keep all of your superpowers, too." said Harold.

"You WILL NOT go back to teaching fourth grade." said Em.

"You WILL remember everything that happened these past two weeks." said George.

"You WILL NOT change our grades back to normal." said Harold.

"You WILL NOT become the nicest teacher in the history of Jerome Horwitz Elementary School." said Em.

"And you WILL NOT bake fresh chocolate chip cookies for our class every day." said George.

"George!" said Harold sternly. "Stop goofing around!"

"Yeah George," said Em seriously. "This isn't the time for that."

"I can't help it," said George. "You shouldn't hypnotize anybody when you're hungry."

"Alright." said Harold.

"Let's just hope this works!" said Em. So Harold snapped his fingers. _SNAP!_

It did.

Ms. Ribble gave the three a warm, friendly hug, and went home, happier than ever. George, Harold and Em went back to their treehouse for the rest of the day.

Ch. 21

Better Living Through Hypnosis

The next day at school, Ms. Ribble entered the classroom looking a whole lot friendlier than usual.

"Hello boys and girls," said Ms. Ribble. "I have some good news for you."

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"It's time for English class." said Ms. Ribble.

"Aww, maaaan," moaned the children.

"Today," explained Ms. Ribble. "I have asked George, Harold and Emily to lead the class."

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"They will be teaching us about creative writing..." explained Ms. Ribble.

"Aww, maaaan!" moaned the children.

"By showing us how to make comic books." said Ms. Ribble.

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"While they're doing that," said Ms. Ribble. "I'm going to pass out something for all of you to work on..."

"Aww, maaaan!" moaned the children.

"...Homemade chocolate chip cookies!" said Ms. Ribble.

"Hooray!" cried the children.

"This is awesome," said Harold. "But do you think it was right for us to change her personality like we did?"

"Sure, why not," said George. "She's happier. She'll probably live longer, too."

"You're right," said Em. "I guess hypnosis is a pretty cool thing sometimes."

Then again (as we all know) sometimes it isn't.

"Were these cookies hard to make?" asked a classmate of George, Harold and Em's.

"No, Dear," said Ms. Ribble. "They were a snap." Ms. Ribble snapped her fingers as a demonstration, with Mr. Krupp unfortunately walking by.

Mr. Krupp changed back into Captain Underpants and dashed back to the principal's office, with George, Harold and Em following. As they grab Captain Underpants' cape just as he flies out the window, Em gasped.

"Oh, no!" screamed George.

"Here we go again!" screamed Harold.

"Tra-la-laaaaa!" sang Captain Underpants as he flew away."


End file.
